I truly need to comprehend why some “souls” choose suicide and other “souls” do not?
You might simply say to me, "You are not suffering enough-that’s why, Lora". But that is not true. I have been angst ridden (for unimaginably complex reasons) throughout my life. I have periodically examined suicide from all angles and rejected the idea. I have frequently asked my pickups, "Are you going to kill me"? I have repeatedly entered into situations with total awareness that I could die, yet "It" lives-an abomination that can’t live, yet refuses to end it’s own existence. Most of you (fortunate) souls out there in the cosmos can just live your life-happy-sad-just live. I am cursed (have always been because of a sensitive, aware, brain thrust into unimaginably sad life circumstances) to do nothing but think, and obsess, and analyze, and read tons of books, and think, and think, and think myself right to the brink of madness and death… I also used to look like a "sex kitten" which means that I had the opportunity to play, and play, and play with the outside world (my adventure-my experiment) in an attempt to shut out the above mentioned "inner world". I had a blast "playing" with all of you, because you were conditioned to think a certain way about me (and I gladly let you think what you wanted) so I could PLAY.
"Woe to him with worlds within". Who wrote this-so pathetically, heartbreaking true.
**I don’t want to live. I don’t want to die. I just want to sleep, and sleep, and sleep, but eventually I wake up..
The drama plays out to an INEVITABLE conclusion
Sleep, sleep ,sleep Precious, cursed ILLUSION
* I "see" the psychopaths, because I used to think about slashing my abusive father to pieces.
* I "see" the "mentally ill", because my mother developed Schizophrenia when I was 10 years old, and I also have "madness" in me.
* I "see" the totality that so many of you are (sadly) oblivious to (fortunately) oblivious to.
LOVE is all that will save our planet. I can’t even experience the kind of love most of you take for granted. I am "guilty by design"-a "creature" waiting to die.
It’s the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance
It’s the dream afraid of waking
that never takes the chance
It’s the one who won’t be taken
who cannot seem to give
and the soul afraid of dying
that never learns to live ("The Rose" Bette Midler)
All we are is "Mind", "Consciousness" existing on a ball floating in infinite space. This world could be anything & instead it is nothing-absurdity, murder, chaos, madness all around-Nothing, Nothing, Nothing…
* If I actually put my phone number out here, I can only imagine how many of you would call me up and say to me, "You need help"-"You need to find God" etc NO-Everyone on this planet needs to love everyone else on this planet, and the world will heal itself…
C & V have my F’n #, but but do you think that either of them will pick up the phone & reach out-call me-NO!!!
8 Responses
MichaelMN
08 Feb 2010
TheOtherDoomGuy
08 Feb 2010
Ur outlook on how to improve the world, is foolish.
Humans cant live with just love. Its against natural order, and instinct.
Humans need rivalry, otherwise, the world would stagnate.
Ur perfect world, would fall apart as no new developments are made, resources for current technology would run out. People would eventually hate everything, and anarchy would start.
The perfect world would be tolerance, not love.
The need to tolerate everything, without the need to destroy it because its different, or it has something u want.
And the suicide thing.
Its willpower. The human mind is different for every1, every1 has a different level of willpower.
Weak willpower, its easier to break, and that breaks the mind.
With a broken mind, people act irrationally, with no thought of repercussions, or consequences.
So their broken mind leads them to the contemplation of suicide/mass-murder
and since they arent thinking right, cant think of healing, or survival, they take that contemplation, and act upon it.
EDIT: Sorry, I didnt mean to sound so harsh in the first paragraph. I believe its foolish, a nameless series of words on the internet. I think u should believe wat u want, not wat I want.
naguru
08 Feb 2010
It is the application of mind’s discretionary powers in wrong direction.
Jaman27
08 Feb 2010
First you need to consider yourself lucky, why? Because i can see that you are quite smart and very interested in life. I can’t tell you that we have the same situation or "God" will open up the heavens and help you. But one thing is for sure and that you are lucky to live, to learn and to experience life as a whole. What do I mean by a whole? Sadness, Laughter, Sorrow. I myself was also a suicidal, I kept on thinking on why, why do i still live, what else can i do, do i still have a purpose?. But I kept on searching the right answer, guess what there is no right answer and there is no normal life, for we are unique in every way. I searched for a lot of answers, some satisfy me and some are quite cheesy. But I think this is the most thought provoking quote I’ve read.
" Never give up, you never know what you are looking for is just seconds, minutes or hours away"
ghostemblem
08 Feb 2010
because some souls are actually suffering and others are obviously wishing they were.
people who contemplate suicide don’t throw it on the internet for the whole world to see and people who ask their pick ups’ to kill them are just attention seeking.
if you read what you’ve written down you’ll realize that some one who has "had the opportunity to play, and play" and gets pick ups that can be asked such lame questions couldn’t understand real suffering
people who write pathetic poems about slashing themselves are people who delude themselves they are better than everyone else because they can live through their patheticly pain that is experienced by everyone
you’ve totally got the wrong idea of suicide, there is a diffference between not wanting to live and wanting to die
grey_worms
08 Feb 2010
they say suicide is the first and only philosophical question and all other questions come as an after thought…
Rama
08 Feb 2010
What some souls do not choose to do does not help you in your own spiritual life. They have their journey and you have yours. Each of us die using our own personal planes. Your question is about yourself. You are the one who wants to know why you are not committing suicide. I tell you why. All of us including you come to this world with an understanding that is already in our consciousness from our past lives. We are spirit souls with material bodies as you yourself mentioned. We are like hands in gloves. You know already that suicide is not the solution. We reincarnate. For one who is born death is certain and for one who dies birth is certain. This material world is not your home. You are an eternal spirit soul and spiritual world is your real home. Thinking is very good. Insight is even better.
steffi
08 Feb 2010
we were given the ability to choose. some souls work is finished when their mind and heart say "enough".
I leave nickles in Coke machines when I buy pop – maybe the next person smiles at thier luck.
I go outside and look at the crescent moon with Venus sitting on her shoulder and I am happy.
I go our for a drive and turn a coner and there is something new. There is always something new.
The greatest gift anyone gave me was to tell me to stop looking at my shoes when I walked.
Man fails if he his always looking at his shoes. You have to look up every now and again, and see the moon with Venus on her shoulder.
Its all there, it really is. Leave a dime in a Coke machine. Dance in the aisles at Wal-Mart.
Remember the seed of the Rose is burried in crap.